"I've always found it difficult to live. My uncles raised me, even though I wasn't their own child, and I'm grateful, but there was always a loneliness that couldn't be filled. I wondered why, even though I have a mother, she doesn't even care about me."

"So, that's why you came to see me, right? I want us to get along, so please don't say strange things."

"But being treated kindly by my mother again just because she feels like it now means nothing. I want things to go back to how they were before and for my mother to love me properly from the beginning. I want her to do what I wanted her to do back then, to treat me like she did back then."

"That's impossible. What are you talking about?"

"If it were true, my mother, who should have treasured me the most, wouldn't have abandoned me or thrown me away. So, I don't even know what to make of myself when my own mother does things like that to me... I don't understand my own worth. I have trouble interacting with people, I'm always scared of others, and I have this idea that I'm living in a different world from everyone else. So, I ended up cutting off the people who were important to me."

"The conversation between Yuki and Yuki's mother in 'Tomorrow, I'll Be Someone's Girlfriend'."

The number of reports of child abuse to child consultation centers has risen from 5,352 cases in 1997 to 207,660 cases in 2021.

A characteristic of child abuse in Japan is that "psychological abuse" overwhelmingly exceeds "sexual abuse" by a significant margin when compared to the United States and Europe.

"Psychological abuse" accounts for about 60% of all abuse cases, surprisingly.

I can't help but feel that there's something distinctly Japanese about this.

The extreme scarcity of "sexual abuse" can be attributed to the fact that most cases of sexual abuse go unnoticed.

"Psychological abuse" includes threats, ignoring, and violence against family members in front of children.

In determining whether it's abuse, it's judged based on whether the person committing the abuse believes that the child is benefiting psychologically.

As a care manager myself, I've dealt with cases where the primary caregiver, the son, hit his mother, who was in a position to receive care.

From the comprehensive support centers and ward offices, there were multiple unproductive interviews and meetings that simply established the fact that the son had done it, consuming only my time and effort.

If you just focus on the fact that the son, the primary caregiver, hit his mother, you might think the son is the villain, right?

However, if you unravel this "physical abuse," you can come to a different conclusion.

First of all, the mother who was hit had abandoned her son when he was young and left home.

The son was raised by relatives, and he has almost no memories of his mother from his childhood.

Even so, the son grew up, got a job, and one day, he suddenly received a call from his mother asking him to live together.

Hoping to rebuild his relationship with his mother, the son agrees to live together.

They start living together, but the mother repeatedly uses words that could be considered "psychological abuse" towards her son.

For example, she says things like, "I don't have a son," "That (referring to her son) is just a roommate," "The food you (her son) prepared is bad," etc., over the course of decades.

When the son hit her, he couldn't take it anymore after hearing these kinds of words repeatedly, and he raised his hand to his mother for the first time in his life.

The comprehensive support centers and ward offices only treated the son's one-time hitting as "physical abuse" and didn't address the fact that the mother, who had abandoned her son in his life and had been engaging in "psychological abuse" for decades, had any issues.

Of course, hitting is absolutely wrong.

However, I feel that the mother's "psychological abuse," which has occurred hundreds of thousands of times over her son's lifetime, is more severe.

Tomorrow, I'll Be Someone's Girlfriend » Recommended Manga Corner | Sokuyomi

"Physical abuse" vs. "Psychological abuse"

Which do you think has a greater impact on a person's life?

I personally think "psychological abuse" has a greater impact on a person's life.

Try to remember.

As a child, you've mostly forgotten the pain of being hit, haven't you?

But do you still remember the pain in your heart when you were ignored or belittled?

Unfortunately, children who have been abused are three times more likely to become abusers themselves when they become parents.

There are seven common characteristics of people who abuse:

1. Affirmation of corporal punishment: A worldview that corporal punishment is necessary for child-rearing.

2. Priority of one's own desires: Prioritizing one's own desires over those of the child.

3. Loss of confidence in child-rearing: Losing confidence in one's own child-rearing.

4. Recognition of harm from the child: Recognizing harm from the child's behavior or presence.

5. Fatigue and exhaustion from child-rearing: Being tired from child-rearing and being emotionally and physically weakened.

6. Perfectionism in child-rearing: A belief that child-rearing must be perfect.

7. Disgust and rejection of the child: Feeling disgust or rejection toward the child.

If a mother who has been abused abuses her own child, it has been proven that she possesses three psychological characteristics: 1. Affirmation of corporal punishment, 2. Priority of one's own desires, and 4. Recognition of harm from the child.

People who have been raised receiving corporal punishment tend to have a strong affirmation of corporal punishment.

This psychological background likely stems from the desire to affirm their own lives, having been raised receiving corporal punishment.

You may have heard statements such as "I owe my current self to being hit by my parents or teachers. I'm grateful for being hit now."

The psychological background for parents who prioritize their own desires over those of their children is that they did not receive enough affection from their parents.

Therefore, even as adults, they prioritize their own desires and cling to them more than to their children's desires.

Typical examples include mothers who go out to see their lovers even though they have infants or toddlers.

Recognition of harm from the child is not about children causing trouble or being troublesome at home or outside.

It's about saying things like "A 2-year-old child looks at me as if I'm stupid," etc.

Even though a 2-year-old child wouldn't look at their parent in that way, they feel that they're being disrespected.

There are many cases where children who have experienced "neglect," such as not being fed or not being taken to the hospital when they're sick, develop these kinds of feelings of victimization.

They feel that no one cares about them and that they're the only ones at a disadvantage. These feelings of victimization often persist into adulthood.

As a result, even young children end up feeling like they're being victimized.

There are reasons behind why people become abusers. I hope you can understand that.

Abuse perpetuates.

But you have the potential to stop that negative cycle.