friday morning. listening to the call me by your name soundtrack today on an emerald green vinyl, burning palo santo incense, and drinking a brazilian coffee roasted by reggalia coffee roasters with tasting notes of red honey catucai, shiso, lemongrass, and velvet. shadows from the palm tree are cast onto the wood grain of the piano, which I have started to play again recently.

 gentle sounds of cars passing by on the street, elders gathering in the park in front of my house, and windows opening and closing drift into my house and wake up my senses.

even though I know today will be a busy day, I woke up with much enthusiasm and a sense of clarity. january was a month of many deadlines and opportunities for shifts in thinking, and I’m looking forward to embracing the last day of this month with grace and knowledge that I have grown a lot from this month. 

life has been very ideal this month. I felt that I had time to enjoy my day to day life, and that I didn’t have to force myself to rush through anything. being able to take my time really does feel like one of the greatest pleasures of life, and I think this applies to areas of my life ranging from work to washing the dishes and speaking with friends. if I allow my mind to fixate on a singular point in space in time ahead of me somewhere in the unknown realm of the “future,” it is easy to accelerate everything around me into this unknown.

but I don’t want to! I want to stop periodically to leisurely gaze around and ponder about funny, sweet, or other seemingly unrelated thoughts, have an openness to be influenced and impressed upon, have an openness to my path being shifted, despite being the kind of person who typically imagines at the scale of years or decades into the future. 

one step forward, half a step back. a native american saying from the cherokee tribe, as my friend shared with me. its about enjoying the process, not racing to the mythical finish line, because there is no finish line!