I cannot stop feeling sorry for my family about my health condition. And, indeed because of this, I cannot stop thank them from my bottom of heart for their support and understanding to the things around me, with fours sets of alleys (Optune) on my head and the battery on shoulder, electric codes out of my neck, especially Koko changing the alleys every four days, and etc...

As for medical doctors and nurses in general, I ponder why I cannot respect some of those "front line workers". Looking back on my childhood experience of hospitals (not limited to brain tumors and cancers), some of the reasons slid into my mind. 

All of those doctors were insolent, pompous, or they are found just inexperienced with my questions. I'm grateful that the two doctors now in charge are so nice and respectful, but the doctors next to their office rooms in Mita, for example, may not be my "life-escort runners". 

Opening my diary dated October 21st after discharge, I wrote it at Mita hospital about another doctor near my doctor in charge, saying, "I don't like doctors who use 'broken' words. They should respect the life of the person in front of them. Pay respect, and snuggle up. Their characters are emitted out of their words and face expressions."

In these days, faces of Singaporean medical staff often pop up to my mind. I always want Japanese fake-smile done with other way round, but, those Singaporean, although not that much smily, were trying to equalize them with patients in charge. Moreover, the doctors seemed to be trying hard to disclose information to the patients and explain their diagnoses as much as possible. In Raffles Hospital, I felt like being in a luxury hotel. 

Coming into my mailbox a week ago was a message from a Japanese person who took care of me in Singapore, which expressed equal to what I would feel. He is also a medical professional in a broad sense, and he, after his approval, will be featured in this blog under condition of anonymity.

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My child too had cancer at his youth, and had surgery and chemo (chemotherapy). I was lucky enough to have the original tumor removed and had no metastases. After several years passed, he is now in remission.

I was told by one of my relatives, who is a medical doctor. "Doctors are very high-prided creatures." He told me to keep in touch with them, but not in a way like slapping them in their cheeks. Medical doctors, politicians and yakuza (note: Japanese rogue group, or mob) have the crystal-clear hierarchical relationship in their organizations, and even if the top person says something wrong, the people down under him should, yes, should, obey the order. In the same analogy, Japanese doctors are aware that legal opinions/logics cannot intervene in the medical industry, and that they show off such responses to you (note: this person refers to a previous writing of mine to him in the same mail-chain that I had received a somewhat dissatisfying attitude of medical doctors in Narita). I don't think that people who lived abroad can understand such that Japanese culture. In overseas, legal logics intervene completely to every corner of medical judgments in their treatments in medical facilities. In Japan, I hope it is being better now with a word "informed consent" being spread and known.

Doctors are also people with each of their characters, and they may not fit you. It is important to find a suitable doctor and trust him/her/them. I am relieved that you have already found it.

I would like to raise here something very rude to Dear Mr. Sato in sick. 

I realized on a thing when my child got cancer: because I had been immature, God gave me a trial, although I did not, and do not, have a strong faith in religion. But, starting thinking that way, I felt got calm, thought about how I could overcome it, and carried it out. Whatever the outcome, you can overcome it by trusting the people who support you, and based on which making your own decisions. I believe that Mr. Sato will be able to overcome it.

One of my college friends became leukemia, and another ALS, and he now puts devices on his physics (note: my business counterpart in a Japanese mega bank had also been diagnosed with "Crohn's disease" and suffered severe pain for a month once every three years. He is still actively working overseas). Another junior in the same bank as I worked was also with ALS, and he passed away in six months. He was young.

I sometimes wonder about life itself. In my opinion, the better people live the shorter and the worse the longer. I think this is the answer for life.

Please become a bad person, Mr. Sato. Give up yourself being good. Don't think even not to bother your family, get pampered by your wife (I'm sorry for your wife).

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Tears came out from my eyes with this so warm-hearted message. When I showed to my wife Koko his message, she got angry with her grin, saying, "you have been spoiled by me so much!" I may not become a "bad guy" even from now on, but I want to be a little more selfishness to my family, but with love.

(The photo is from a diary drawing the scenery from the window on September 10, 2020, one day before discharge. The airport is near and the rural scenery spreads out in front of you. Airplane traffic increased little by little from July this year to September when I was discharged. To be continued.)