My wife said the other day, "you lately haven't had enough empathy for people." I was surprised at her words. Upon my discharge out of the Narita hospital in September, I realized a little on this empathy losing. I knew, at the same time, there was a heavy weight stone at the bottom in my heart, but the stone at the bottom in my heart turned out to be an excuse to me. Brain tumors, cancers that has spread to the lungs, or Optune worn on my head (for brain tumors). Without knowing as it would be, every aspect made me feel dark and sick. My wife and children did not miss it, although I thought I would treat my family as normally as before my symptom emerged. This time, too, my honest impression to her words was like, "oh, she know it". A few excuses popped up to my mind for the replies, but all of them ended in vain. 

Since our marriage in 2003, her words always change me. With her words, feels like I can be elevated up to a different horizon by one step with a new horizon in front of my eyes. I'm along with her, partly because I like that moment. This time, however, I heavily regretted myself to have kept saying to people around, "I am brighter than before". And at the end, I realized that I did not get really bright. Also correct was Wife's comment at that moment, "you think too much one particular thing too much."

Noboru Takachi is one of whom I am following on Twitter. He is an actor, recovered from drug addiction, as he wrote in his book. Now he is also active as a writer. His writing to Twitter has the following phrases. Please allow me to put as it is, as it is public information. 

(For English readers, the gist of his Twitter is that you would duck in his/her own self once you feel a huge fear. This fear brings and builds up hard shell in your heart, shaped like surrounded by yourself. The shell, however, will be softened upon stream of other people's warm emotions. So, you will know the reality of your fear is what you create by yourself.)

The red heart mark was made by me: upon reading I felt like I got empathy with this writing pouring into my heart. At the same time, his writing shocked me to let me regret the standing of my mind. 

I may have been trapped in a mind hard shell. When encountering other people, I may have covered my axx, and tried to be nice only on the surface. Looking back my experience, it would works at least for my business partners, but it does not so for my family.

It should not be the case. Let's be easy.

(The photo, dated March 24, 2019, shows the Capella Hotel on Sentosa Island, Singapore, where the US-North Korea talks was held in Singapore the same year. An advisor in Tokyo (back view in a shirt) came to Singapore and took us to see the venue/Hotel. The facilities were found gorgeous, and so were the pricing. Wife in blue shirt and Son were also in the photo. To be continued.)