（2012年12月2日・Facebookノートに投稿したものを復活しました）
- English follows Japanese - 

-----------------------------------------------

ずっと書きたくて書いてなかった、2011年3月11日のこと。

子供が生まれてから、いろんな意味で、忘れることの出来ない1日でした。

今思い返しても、私という存在、体や直感、偶然に思えることの兆し、いろんなことに気づかされます。

その日はめずらしく、特に理由もないのにものすごく寝坊。

毎日、どんなに深夜に就寝しても、出勤準備のため6:30には目覚めていたのに、この日は前の夜も大して夜更かしもしていないし疲労も激しくな かったのに、7時過ぎて起床。もちろん毎朝のアラームもかけていたのに、まったく音が鳴った記憶がない。

もう通常の準備では遅刻必須なのだけども、以前の私、子供の体調で欠勤しすぎていないならば、ここでもう1日仕事を休むことにするのだけども、こ れ以上欠勤してはいけない！という頭が働き、超高速で支度。

さらに子供も、いつもは6時～7時頃に泣いて目覚めかけ、授乳に手間取ったりするのに、この日はまったく目覚めない。支度の終わった私が、子供を 連れ出すために起こそうとすると、ものすごく機嫌が悪い。昨夜寝かせたのもそれほど遅くないのに。「まだ、ねんねする」と言い泣く子を、なんとか 起こし着替えさせ、まだ肌寒い外で自転車に乗せ、なんとか保育園へ。

その後は普通に出社。

ところが、午前中からなんとなく、体がだるくなり、頭がボーーっと。ここしばらくめったになかった、ゾクゾクする悪寒（風邪のはじめのような）が 来て、マズイ、と思う。机についてPCに向かっていても、目が閉じそうというか頭がボーっとするというか、何かつらい。普通ならここで、観念して 早退するのだけども、やはり、勤怠の悪すぎることを懸念して、何とか昼休みまで持たせる。

ほぼ毎日に近く、自然食のランチBOXを買って屋外で食べるのだけども、この体調のため、何か体をシャキっとさせたかったのか、普段はたまにしか 食べないスパイシーなインドカレーのランチBOXを買って屋外で、日光を浴びながら食事。これが良かったのか、お昼休み終了頃には、なんとか ちょっと体調も持ち直し、終業時間まで持つかも、と思われ、午後の就業に戻る。が、時間がたつにつれ、まただんだんと体調がきつくなる。やっぱり 午前中で早退すればよかったか・・・と思いつつも、ただ机についているだけ、という体制の楽さから、ズルズルと時間だけが経ち。が、ついに14時 すぎたあたりから、「これはもうダメかも」と思うほど、胸がムカムカするような気持ち悪さと、頭がくらくらするような、机についていてもつらいほ どの「マズイ」という感じが。午後から体調を整えるためにハーブティを飲んでいたので、まずそれを片付けてトイレに行ってから、担当の方に早退願 いを伝えに行こう、と、やっと重い腰を持ち上げたのが、14:30頃。マグカップを手にしたままトイレの入り口まで行った瞬間。あの地震。いきな りすごい揺れが来て、ちょうどトイレの入り口を向かっていた女性と目をみつめあったまま（お互いすごい驚いて）、硬直してしまった。

（後で思うと、もし14:30までに退社願いを告げて駅へ向かっていたら、ちょうど地震でとまって車内に閉じ込めになっていた車両に乗り合わせて いたかもしれないのだ）

あわててそのまま私は、机のある部屋には戻らず（セキュリティカードで開閉するドアのため、直感的にこの中に閉じ込められてはマズイと思った）、 非常階段を4階から外まで下り、しばらく外に。10～15分くらいは非常口外にたたずんでいて（同じように外に脱出していたのは、ほんの数人だっ た）、そろそろまた階段で恐る恐る部屋へ戻ると、すでに、全社で建物外への一時避難の放送があったらしく、ほとんどの人はその場におらず、私もま た外へ出る。そのとき、すごい人数の方が、狭い非常階段で、まったくパニックになることもなく、ごくごく冷静にゆっくりと階段を下りていたのが印 象的。私はたった4階もの階を下まで降りる時間が恐ろしくて仕方なかった。それからほとんどの人々は13階以上はあるビルの目の前広場にのんびり と退避していたけども、私は一人、その場は危ないと感じ、大通りを渡って反対側にあるちょっとした広場へ一人向かい、30分くらいはそこで様子を 見る。その後やっと一人仕事部屋に戻ったときには、すでに「このビルは耐震構造のために、各自部屋へ戻って仕事に戻ること」という放送が流れてい たらしく、皆、普通に仕事をしていた。電車など止まる可能性があるため、小さい子供のいる女性だけが、早々に帰宅命令になったらしい。もうその時 点で私の体調はボロボロだったので、朝からの体調不良も伝え、子供もいるということで、16時過ぎに退社願いを伝え、駅へ向かう。電車は当然動い ていない。

これは終業時間頃まで待つと、バスやタクシーも乗れなくなるだろうと、駅前のバス乗り場へ行くと、ものすごい人が待っていて乗れる状態ではないし、 そもそも都内を出るまでにものすごい時間がかかりそうで、帰宅は無理。駅へ戻る途中、子供の通う保育園、九州の実家、どちらも電話（PHS）はつ ながらない。何度もかける。ついに、公衆電話からやっと、子供の保育園へつながる。皆、無事らしい。

なんとか夜には電車が動くのでは？と期待をし、いったんJRの駅に戻る。大画面で、東北のすごい津波映像が何度も流されていたようだが、私は特に 見ず、端のほうへ座り、1-2時間くらいは待つ。そのうちついに、「今夜中に動かないのでは？」という気がして駅員に聞くと、どうもその返答振り で、「今夜動くのは無理」という直感がして、自宅まで数万円の金額を覚悟して、タクシーを捕まえようと、あるいはヒッチハイクでもなんでもいいか ら、とにかく車に乗り込もうと大通りに出るやいなや・・・。

ちょうど目の前に、「川口まで行きます」と紙に書いて窓に張った車がやってきた！川口が埼玉だとは分かっても、詳しい位置関係が分かってなかった ことが幸い！とにかくいけるところまで乗せてもらって、あとは電車が動くのを待とう。とにかく速く、東京を脱出しなければ！という気がして、手を 上げて車を止め、事情を話し、「子供をひとり保育園に残している。昼頃から体調が悪く、もう早退しようとしていたところ」というと、すごく親切な 若い男性と女性（会社の女性を自宅まで送り届ける最中だった）が同情してくれ、同乗者一人目として、快く私を乗せてくれた。それが、渋谷新南口か らすぐの明治通り。車は渋滞の中、すぐに渋谷駅前までくると、先ほど私が並びかけたバスの停留所にわんさかと人がいて、その車の張り紙を見て、一 人の中年女性が「私も川口までです。娘と連絡が取れなくなっている。ぜひ乗せて」といって同乗。さらにほんのちょっと車が進むと、一人の中年男性 が、やはり同乗したい、と言ってきたけども、その中年女性が、池袋で待ち合わせている娘とその友人を拾わなければならない、ということで、男性は 乗れず。これでピックアップ人数いっぱい。それがだいたい18-19時頃だったか？それからなんと、車は超渋滞の中を明治通りをノロノロと走り （途中、何度か道路沿いのビルの中へかわりがわりにトイレにいっても車に追いつくほど）、池袋についたのは、なんと翌日の朝5時頃だったか。同乗 の女性の娘さんと友人が、一時避難所にいるということでピックアップに行き、二人を乗せて、出発。

都内を出ると意外とスムーズに車は動き、朝7時頃には川口着。親子と友人、最初からいた会社の女性をおろし、私も最初はそこで降りるはずだったの だけど、道すがらの話の流れで、車を運転していた男性が、このひどい地震だと実家が心配しているだろう、とのことで、実家の高崎まで車で行く、と いうことにしてくれ、私を桶川駅前まで送ってくれたのでした。今思うと、車中かなり体調が悪くなり、さらに授乳中で胸が張りすぎてその気持ち悪さ もあってドロドロの私を送り届けるために、その選択をしてくれたとしか思えない。なんともすばらしい若い男性なのでした。

旅は道連れ。こんな大変な状況なのに、やっぱり何かの縁なのか、同乗した人々は話が弾み、ひとつの「試練を乗り越えた縁」みたいになっていまし た。

私を、保育園→自宅まで、ついでだから送ってくれる、とまで言うその方の言葉に甘えたいこともあったものの、駅前に止めてきた自転車を置いたまま にするのも面倒で、駅前でお礼を言っておろしてもらい、駅の改札を抜けて自転車置き場へ。駅は当然、まだ電車が止まったまま。のぼり電車を待つ 人々が改札にかなりいました。

自宅を通過し、保育園へ直行。朝方、車の中から保育園の先生方へ連絡し、なんとか子供を引き取ってくれていた方（先生）が判明し、連絡をとり、7 時頃に保育園までつれてきてくれる。やっと、子供と再会。なんと、13時間遅れての、お迎え。でも、これは奇跡！電車でたった15分程度の場所へ 通っていたお母さんでも、翌日の昼にやっと電車が動き、午後にやっと子供をお迎えにこれたのだと。機転を利かし、都内で自転車を購入して自力で埼 玉まで帰宅したお父さんがやはり朝方子供を迎えにこれたそうだけども、私のケースは「異例」として、先生方にものすごく驚かれ、感動されました。

まるで、産み落としたばかりの子供を置いてレースに連れ出された伝書鳩のような気分でした。何が何でも本能的に、最短時間で子供の元へたどり着こ うとした。

子供は前夜、着替えもなく、保育園で着ていたままの服に半纏を着て、お風呂にも入ってないのか汚れた顔でやってきました。満面の笑みで！会うなり すぐ、屋外の木に座って抱っこで、授乳。先生も横にしばらく。夜中にまだ何度も泣いて授乳ねだりする子だから、先生の家でも夜泣いたらしく、、、 さらにオムツの予備もなかったらしく、夜中に近所の子の家に布オムツを借りにいってくださったのだそうな。

もうみんな、ぐったり。でも、疲れた中、やっとおっぱいを上げることができてすっきりし、何事もなかったような静かな桶川市の田んぼの間を、子供 と一緒にゆっくり走って帰宅。

部屋に戻ると、あの都内でも大きなゆれがうそみたいに、ほとんど何も物が落下していない。冷蔵庫の上に置いてあったCDのいくつかが、冷蔵庫の裏 に落ちていただけ。一階とはいえ。

今思うと、この日の朝からの私の体調変化は、きっと何かの予兆。仕事中の何度も早退願いしようかと思うほどの体調悪化もまた。そこで早く帰宅して いたら、あるいは、朝から欠勤していたら・・・自分の体のサインに耳を傾けた自分に感動していたかも。でも、今になって、よく思う。やっぱり朝か ら、何か今日は出社しなければいけない気がしていた。そして、そこで起こったこと。出会った人々。子供にもう二度と会えないかもしれない（子供の 無事は確認したが、私が無事生きて戻れるかどうか）と思ったときの、心境。何もかもが、すべて私が、経験しなければならなかったこと、あるいは、 私があえて、経験したいと選択したことなのだろう。

それからもろもろあって、3月中に九州の実家に戻っている間に、ヒッチハイクのお礼を兼ねて、名刺をいただいていたあのヒーロー運転手さんの会社 宛に、手紙とお礼の品（地元のお菓子に、当時手に入らなくなっていた電池など）を送り、その後はメールもしたのですが、残念ながら音沙汰がありま せん。無事だったのかどうか・・・とても気になります。あるいはあのまま、会社を退職などされて、彼に届いていないのでは？と。彼なくしては、私 のあの感動的な経験はありません。どうぞ今も、元気にされていますように。

そして、忘れられない言葉。同乗させてもらった私たちが「まさか同乗できる張り紙を見つけるとは！」「なかなか出来ることじゃないですよね！」と 感動していると、ただ、さらりと、「いや、ただ、紙とペンが車内にあったから書いただけ」と、クールに。カッコいい！！

---------------------------------------

追記：このヒーロー運転手のお兄さんにはその後、Facebookでだったか偶然再会できたのでした。

That day 311
December 2, 2012 3:14 PM
I've been wanting to write about the 11th of March 2011 for a long time but haven't done so.

It was a day that I will never forget, in many ways, since the birth of my child.

Looking back, I am reminded of my existence, my body, my intuition, the signs of what seemed like coincidences, and many other things.

It was a rare day when I slept in, for no particular reason at all.

Every day, no matter how late I go to bed, I wake up at 6.30am to get ready for work, but on this day, I woke up after 7am, even though I hadn't stayed up too late and hadn't performed too hard the night before. Of course I had set my alarm for every morning, but I don't remember it going off at all.

I was already late for my normal preparations, but if I hadn't been too absent due to my child's condition, I would have decided to take another day off work, but I couldn't be absent any longer! So I got ready very fast.

And the child, who usually wakes up crying at around 6-7am and takes a long time to feed, didn't wake up at all this day. When I finished getting ready and tried to wake her up to take her out, she was in a very bad mood. It wasn't too late last night when I put him to bed. I managed to get her up and dressed, put her on her bike outside in the still chilly weather, and took her to nursery.

After that, I went to work as usual.

However, from mid-morning onwards, I started to feel sluggish and fuzzy-headed. I get a chill (like the first sign of a cold), which I've rarely had for a while, and I think, "Oh no! Even when I'm sitting at my desk on my computer, my eyes feel like they're going to close, my head feels fuzzy, and I'm having a hard time. Normally, I would have given up at this point and left early, but I was worried that my attendance was too bad, so I managed to last until lunchtime.

I bought a lunch box of spicy Indian curry, which I usually eat only occasionally, and ate it outdoors in the sunshine. By the end of the lunch break, I was feeling a bit better and it looked like I might be able to make it to the end of the day, so I went back to work in the afternoon. However, as time went on, I started to feel worse and worse. I thought that I should have left early in the morning, but the ease of just sitting at my desk made the time go by. But finally, after 2pm, I started to feel like I wasn't going to make it, with a queasy feeling in my chest and a dizzy head that made it hard to stay at my desk. I'd been drinking herbal tea all afternoon to help me feel better, so I thought I'd put it away, go to the toilet and then go and tell the person in charge that I was leaving early. It was about 14:30 when I finally got up and went to the entrance of the toilet with my mug in my hand. The earthquake. There was a sudden tremor, and I locked eyes with a woman who was just facing the entrance to the toilets (we were both very surprised) and we went rigid.

(In hindsight, if I had told her I was leaving before 14:30 and had gone to the station, I might have ended up in the same carriage that had been stopped by the earthquake and trapped inside.

In a panic, I didn't go back to my desk room (the door was opened and closed with a security card, and I intuitively knew that I shouldn't be trapped inside), but went down the emergency stairs from the 4th floor to the outside and stayed outside for a while. It was about time to go back up the stairs to my room. It seemed that the whole company had already announced the temporary evacuation of the building, so most of the people were gone and I went back outside. I was impressed by the number of people who were slowly descending the narrow emergency staircase, very calmly and without any panic. I dreaded the time it would take me to descend just four floors. Most people then retreated leisurely to the square in front of the building, which was at least 13 floors high, but I felt alone and felt unsafe, so I went alone across the street to the little square on the other side and stayed there for about half an hour. When I finally went back to my work room, the announcement had already been made that the building was earthquake-proof and that everyone should go back to their rooms and get back to work, and everyone was working as usual. It seems that only women with small children were ordered to go home early because of the possibility of trains stopping. By that time I was already in a shambles, so I told them that I had been ill since this morning and that I had a child, so I asked to leave the office after 4pm and headed for the station. Of course the train wasn't running.

I went to the bus stop in front of the station, but there were so many people waiting that I couldn't get on the bus, and it would take a long time to get out of Tokyo. On the way back to the station, I couldn't get through to either my child's nursery school or my parents' house in Kyushu. I tried again and again. Finally, from a public phone, I was able to reach my child's nursery school. Everyone seems to be safe.

I was hoping that the train would be running in the evening. I went back to the JR station, hoping that the trains would work in the evening. I sat on the edge of the train and waited for about 1-2 hours. Finally, I had the feeling that the train would not move tonight. So I went out to the main street to catch a taxi, or hitchhike, or whatever, to get into a car, ready to spend tens of thousands of yen to get home....

Just in front of me there was a car with the words "To Kawaguchi" written on a piece of paper and stuck to the window! I knew that Kawaguchi was in Saitama, but I didn't know the exact location. Anyway, we got a ride as far as we could and waited for the train to move. We had to get out of Tokyo as fast as possible! I stopped the car, raised my hand and told them what had happened. "I've left my child alone at nursery school. A very kind young man and woman (who were in the middle of taking a woman home from work) took pity on me and kindly offered me a ride as the first passenger. This was on Meiji-dori, just outside the new south exit of Shibuya. The car soon arrived in front of Shibuya station, in the middle of the traffic jam, and there were many people at the bus stop where I had just lined up. One middle-aged woman saw the sign on the car and said "I'm also going to Kawaguchi. I've lost contact with my daughter. Please give me a lift", she said. A little further on, a middle-aged man asked to ride with us, but the woman had to pick up her daughter and her friend in Ikebukuro, so he couldn't get on. This was the full number of people to be picked up. That was about 18-19 o'clock, right? After that, the car drove slowly along Meiji-dori in a very congested traffic jam (on the way, I had to go to the toilet in a building along the road several times instead of going to the toilet, but the car caught up with me), and we arrived at Ikebukuro at about 5 o'clock in the morning the next day. We picked up the daughter of one of the passengers and her friend, who were in a temporary shelter, and left with them in the car.

Once out of Tokyo, the car moved surprisingly smoothly and we arrived at Kawaguchi around 7am. We dropped off my parents, my friend and the woman from the company who had been there from the beginning, and I was supposed to get off there too, but as we talked on the way, the man who was driving the car said that his parents must be worried about him after this terrible earthquake, so he decided to drive me to Takasaki, where my parents live, and dropped me off in front of Okegawa station. He drove me to Okegawa station. In hindsight, I can only think that he chose to drive me home as I was feeling very sick in the car, and my breasts were so tight and uncomfortable from breastfeeding. What a wonderful young man.

The journey is a journey. In spite of this difficult situation, the people in the car were talking to each other and it was as if they had overcome an ordeal.

I was tempted to take her up on her offer to give me a lift from the nursery to home, but I didn't want to leave my bike parked in front of the station, so I thanked her and asked her to drop it off. Of course, the train was still stopped at the station. There were many people at the ticket gates waiting for the train.

I passed my house and went straight to the nursery. In the morning, I contacted the teachers at the nursery from the car, and managed to find out who had taken my child in, who contacted me and brought me to the nursery around 7 o'clock. Finally, we were reunited with our child. We were 13 hours late to pick up our child. But this is a miracle! The mother, who commuted to a place only 15 minutes away by train, was finally able to pick up her child at noon the next day. A father who had tactfully bought a bicycle in Tokyo and returned home to Saitama on his own was also able to pick up his child in the morning.

I felt like a carrier pigeon who had been taken out of the race without her newborn child. I instinctively tried to reach my child in the shortest possible time, whatever it took.

The child arrived the night before, without a change of clothes, still dressed in the same clothes he had worn at nursery school and half-clothed, with a dirty face, as if he had not even had a bath. With a big smile on his face! As soon as I saw her, I sat down on a tree outdoors and held her in my arms and nursed her. The doctor was beside her for a while. She was still crying and begging for feedings in the middle of the night, so she cried at night at the doctor's house too... And they didn't have any spare nappies, so they went to a neighbor's house to borrow cloth nappies in the middle of the night.

We were all exhausted. But I was so tired and refreshed to finally be able to give her a breastfeeding, and I ran home with my child slowly through the quiet rice fields of Okegawa city as if nothing had happened.

When we got back to our room, we found that almost nothing had fallen, as if the big shake in Tokyo had been a lie. The only thing that had fallen was a couple of CDs on top of the fridge, which had fallen behind the fridge. Even though it was on the ground floor.

In hindsight, the change in my condition from that morning must have been a sign. I also felt worse at work, to the extent that I wanted to ask to leave early several times. Had I gone home earlier, or missed work that morning... I would have been impressed with myself for listening to my body's signs. But now I think about it a lot. I knew from that morning that I had to come to work today. And what happened there. The people I met. How I felt when I thought I might never see my child again (I knew he was safe, but I didn't know if I would make it back alive). Everything was something I had to go through, or something I dared to choose to go through.

Then, while I was back home in Kyushu in March, I sent a letter and a thank-you gift (local sweets and batteries, which were no longer available) to the company of the hero driver who had given me his business card, as a thank-you for the hitchhike. I sent him a letter and a thank you gift (local sweets, batteries which were no longer available at the time). I'm very curious to know if he's okay. I wondered if he had left the company and hadn't received it. I hope so. Without him, I would not have had that moving experience. I hope that he is still alive and well.

And something I will never forget. "I never thought I'd find a sign that said you could ride with us! It's not easy to do!

----------------------

Note: I met this hero driver by chance later on Facebook.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)