女らしさ・男らしさのモヤモヤを一緒に軽くする「おしゃべり会」をやってみた。
"「男らしさ」「女らしさ」は、わたしの一部であって、わたしの全てではない。同じ男に生まれても、同じ女に生まれても、人生の選択は異なり、バックグラウンドや事情は人それぞれである"
という当たり前が、当たり前ではない世の中に生きづらさを感じているのは自分だけじゃないのだなと実感したのは、このエッセイを公開した直後のこと。
私個人の体験や感情を赤裸々に綴っていることもあり、だからこそ普段からお世話になっている人たちには私から直接記事を送らせてもらった。「あなたに読んでほしい」正確には、「あなたに私のことを知ってほしい」と思ったから。
公開することに怖さもあったし、身近な人からどんな言葉をかけられるのか不安がないと言ったら嘘だった。それでも自分のために"声"を上げた。理不尽な世の中に対して湧き出てくるモヤモヤ・憤り・怒り・悲しみに、今にも自分が飲み込まれてしまいそうだったから。その苦しみに耐えかねて、声を上げざるを得なかった。つまり、もう自分の心の声を誤魔化しきれない。我慢できない。という限界だったのだろう。
そんな心の叫びを汲み取るように、身近な人たちはとても真摯に受け止めてくれた。深い共感を示してくれた人。声を上げた私自身の決断を褒めてくれた人。これまでの傷を知り、深い愛情で包み込んだくれた人。声を上げたことに感謝を示してくれた人。自身の過去と照らし合わせながら胸にしまい込んでいた想いを打ち明けてくれた人。
"この声はきっと届かない"と思っていた。でも実際は、しっかり届いた。さらには別の人の声が、私の元に返ってきた。身近な人に「もしかしたら私、フェミニストかもしれない」と打ち明けられたことで、これまで以上にいろんなことを安心して相談できる関係になった（と、私は感じている）。
"私とあなた"の関係が変わることが、この連続が、社会を変えるということなのかもしれない。それならば『"声"を出し、"声"を聴く「場」』がもっと増えたらいいのに、と思った。
他人から言われてすごくモヤモヤしたけど、言い返すわけでも人に相談するわけでもなく、自分の中に閉まい込んだ感情や意見。相手に悪気はない、でも言われてチクンとしたひと言。相手の失礼な発言や配慮のない振る舞いに、はぁ！？とブチギレそうになりながらなんとか怒りを沈めた経験。うまく言葉にできないけど、なぜか傷ついているこころの状態。
ふだんは自分の中だけで処理してしまう、もしくは処理できずに抱え続けている「男らしさ・女らしさ」のモヤモヤを一緒に軽くすることができたなら。身近な人からの反響をきっかけにそんな想いが強くなり、ひとつの場づくりとして「ジェンダーのおしゃべり会」をやってみることにした。
快晴だったこともあり、外に出てピクニックのような雰囲気で行うことにした。室内よりも開放的な気持ちで話せるような気がしたからだ。参加者は、20〜30代のエッセイを読んでくれた身近な人たち。男女問わず参加してくれた。
まずは公開したエッセイに触れつつ、私自身の体験や経験をみんなにシェアをした。傷を自覚する作業はとても大変だったこと。声を上げるまでにはとても勇気が必要だったこと。それでもみんなが（身近な人たちが）、真摯に受け止め「自分もそう思ってた」「過去にこんな嫌なことがあった」「自分だけじゃないんだと救われた」といろんな反響を寄せてくれたことで、声を上げて良かったと思えたこと。
この体験をみんなでシェアしながら、対話を通して「男らしさ・女らしさのモヤモヤを一緒に軽くできたらいいな」と思いたち、おしゃべり会を開きたいと思ったこと。
そして声に出す勇気を痛いほど知ったからこそ、参加してくれる人たちには最大限の心理的安全性を担保したいと、おしゃべりを始める前に心がけてほしいことも伝えることにした。
そして、「そもそもジェンダーって？」「フェミニズムってなに？」という疑問を解消しておく方が、個人の話しを場に出しやすいのではないかと考え、前半は簡単なインプットをすることに。
男性学とのつながりを話しつつ、「フェミニズムとは女性のためだけではなく、男女問わず誰もが自分らしく生きられる社会を目指す」ことだと共通認識していく。
一方で、まだまだフェミニズムに対する間違った認識や誤解も多く、男女の対立・分断は深まっていること。
だからこそ、コミュニケーションの場が必要だということ。自分の考えや感情をフラットに聴いてもらえる場。相手の考えや感情を一旦受け止める場。他者の体験の共有を通じて、自分の感情を言語化していく場。
「一人で抱えるのではなく、身近な人に頼りながらセルフィッシュに生きる糸口を見つけていく場が、もっとあったいいな」そう思うからこそ、私たちの対話は社会を変える種になると思う、と伝えて前半を締め括った。
そして後半はいよいよ、フリートークでおしゃべりをしていくことに。いくつかのテーマに切り分け、「こんな場面あるよね」「こういうとき、どう思う？」など事例も出しつつおしゃべりが始まった。
おしゃべりなので、正解も落ちも必要ない。過ごし方もそれぞれなため、心に思い浮かぶままモヤモヤしたできごとや感情を話す人。他の人の話しに静かに耳を傾け続ける人。自身の意見を述べる人。
「前に職場でこんなことを言われて・・・」「自分の親も苦労したのかなと思った」「男性として生きる中で、こんなことがモヤモヤする」「特にジェンダーギャップを感じたことはないかな」「今の世の中に対して、こう思う」などなど。
一つの誰かのエピソードから芋づる式に他の人がエピソードを重ねて話したり、共感の言葉をかけたり、はたまた全く異なる視点から問いを投げかけることも。
そこには「男らしさ」「女らしさ」では決めつけることのできない、個人の自由な感情や思想があった。
私は特に、自分が性被害に遭ったことを心理的安全性が担保された信頼できる環境の中で話せたこと、場に出せたこと、ただただ、受けた傷を一緒に受け止めてくれる人が目の前にいることは、とても大きな救いになった。
そして、それは参加したみんなも同じだったようで、最後の感想ではどこか安心した表情を浮かべていた。声色もやさしくなっていた。「聴いているだけだったけど、自分だけじゃなかったんだとすごく救われた」と涙を浮かべる人もいた。
"声を上げることは、無駄なことではない"
これほどまでに強く思えた経験はなかった。
きっと無駄だ。何も変わらない。そう自分の非力に憤りと悔しさを感じ、ついには諦めようと無気力になることもあった。けれど、声を上げたみたら無駄なことは何一つなかった。目の前に広がる光景こそが、嘘のない真実だ。
わたしとあなたはちがう。でも一緒に生きていきたいし、生きていけるよね。「男らしく・女らしく」ではなく、自分自身として。そんな希望を垣間見た気がして、静かに感動を噛み締めた。
たとえ小さな声だったとしても、今にも消えそうな声だったとしても、いや、だからこそ、社会へ届けよう。変わるべきは、私たちではなく社会なのだ。そして私たちもそんな社会の一員なのだから。変わらない社会に嘆きながらも、変えていくためのアクションをし続けたい。諦めるほどまだ何もしていない。諦めるにはまだ早い。
みんなの表情を見て、これからも「男らしさ・女らしさを一緒に軽くする場」をつくっていきたいなと思った。正解も答えも出さなくていい、まずはおしゃべりから始めよう──。
＊＊＊参加してくれたみんなの感想＊＊＊
心の中にしまっていたモヤモヤとかって薄れたように思っても、やっぱりどこかに残っていて、今回美里ちゃんのおかげで改めてみんなで考える機会をもらって、ああ、このモヤモヤを誰かと共有したかったんだなって今回参加してみて感じました。
いろんな考えの人が居て、ああ、そういう考え方もあるよねって、みんなが認め合えるメンバーと環境だったのも良かった。
メジャー、マイナー的な考え方があったとしてもどっちも認められて良いし、むしろ尊重し合える社会になってほしい。その為にもこういう話し合いの場って非常に必要だと思いました。
身近な人たちとは、こういう話をどんどんしていきたいとも思いました。
最初に意見を出してくれて、そこからこの場を作ってくれて本当にありがとう！！
私は男性として自分の弱さを語り合える環境が身近にあるってこんなに生きやすいのか、と感じました。
自分弱さを見せられる環境は多くないと感じる社会の中で、イベントを通してコミュニティが出来上がりセーフティネットのようになっていく。その過程を目の前で実感できてよかったなと思います。
またLGBTQ＋など多様化していく社会の中で、マジョリティ側である私は、さまざまな人たちへの配慮の仕方などを学ぶ機会が多くなってきました。その中でコンプライアンスなど含め多少の制限が課されることも増え、「やり過ぎではないか」と、生きづらさや、憤りを覚える人も増えてきている気もします。私自身も友人や知人とのコミュニケーションにおいてそのような話題が上がることも多々。
ただ相手のバックグラウンドや個性を尊重し、配慮をすることは、マジョリティ・マイノリティに関係なく人として必要なことだと思います。相手への想像力を欠き配慮のないコミュニケーションは、どこかですれ違いや軋轢を生む可能性もある。今自分なりに心がけている配慮も、もしかしたら一方通行のものかもしれないと感じたりもします……。
だからこそ過渡期の社会において性別・世代・マイノリティ・マジョリティ問わずいろんな人たちと対話できる環境があることは、相互理解を深めるうえで大切なことだと思います。なので、どんどんこうしたコミュニティの和を広げていってほしいと思いました。
日々生活する中で感じるモヤモヤをそのまま心の中に閉まっておくのではなくて、声に出すことで、自分の気持ちをもっと知ることになるし、友達の考え方を知って新しい発見になると感じました！！
特に最近は美里ちゃんの考え方とか意見がすごい〜！！そうだよなあ！って思います。
わたしは生まれ育った場所でだいたいの時間を過ごしているから自分の視野が狭くなっていたら嫌だなと思っていて、今回みたいな機会でみんなと語り合う場があるのはすごく自分にとって高められるなあと思います！大事な場でした！！
これからも、もっともっと自分らしく生きれるように生きていきたいです。
2024.3.08 国際女性デーによせて🌼
＊＊＊English ver＊＊＊
I held a "chat meeting" to alleviate the confusion between femininity and masculinity.
``Masculinity'' and ``femininity'' are part of me, not all of me. Even if you are born to the same man or woman, your life choices will be different, and everyone's background and circumstances will be different."
Immediately after I published this essay, I realized that I wasn't the only one who found it difficult to live in a world where this common sense is no longer the norm.
I write openly about my personal experiences and emotions, which is why I have asked people who support me on a regular basis to send me articles directly. ``I want you to read it.'' More precisely, I thought ``I want you to know about me.''
I was scared to make it public, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about what people close to me would say. Even so, I raised my voice for myself. I felt like I was about to be swallowed up by the confusion, resentment, anger, and sadness that welled up against the unreasonable world. Unable to bear the pain, she had no choice but to speak out. In other words, I can no longer confuse the voice of my heart. I can not stand it. That must have been the limit.
The people close to me seemed to understand my heart's cry and took it very seriously. Someone who showed deep empathy. Someone who praised my decision to speak up. The person who knew my past hurts and embraced me with deep love. Someone who thanked me for speaking up. A person who confessed his feelings that had been kept in his chest while comparing them with his own past.
I thought, "This voice will never reach me." But in reality, it arrived well. Then another person's voice came back to me. When someone close to me confessed to me, ``Maybe I'm a feminist,'' I felt like I was able to feel more comfortable discussing all sorts of things with her than ever before.
Changing the relationship between "me and you" may mean that this series of changes will change society. In that case, I thought, ``I wish there were more ``places'' where ``voices'' are expressed and ``voices'' are heard.
I felt really confused when someone said something to me, but I didn't talk back or talk to anyone about it, so I kept my feelings and opinions to myself. I didn't mean any harm to the other person, but it stung when he said it. Haha! When I hear the other person's rude comments and inconsiderate behavior! ? An experience where I managed to calm down my anger even though I was about to break out. I can't put it into words, but I feel hurt for some reason.
If we could work together to lighten the feeling of masculinity and femininity that we usually handle only within ourselves, or that we continue to carry without being able to handle. The feedback I received from people close to me made me feel this way, and I decided to hold a ``Gender Chat'' as a way to create a space.
Since it was a sunny day, we decided to go outside and have a picnic-like atmosphere. I felt like I could talk more openly than in the room. The participants were close people who read essays from people in their 20s and 30s. Both men and women participated.
Since it was a sunny day, we decided to go outside and have a picnic-like atmosphere. I felt like I could talk more openly than in the room. The participants were close people who read essays from people in their 20s and 30s. Both men and women participated.
First, I touched on the published essays and shared my own experiences and experiences with everyone. It was very difficult to become aware of my injuries. It took a lot of courage to speak out. Even so, everyone (people close to me) took it seriously and gave me various responses, such as, ``I thought the same thing,'' ``I've had bad things like this happen in the past,'' and ``I'm relieved that I'm not the only one.'' That made me feel glad that I spoke up.
While sharing this experience with everyone, I thought, ``It would be great if we could all ease the confusion of masculinity and femininity through dialogue,'' and decided to hold a chat session.
And because I learned so much about the courage it takes to speak out loud, I decided to tell the participants what they should keep in mind before they start chatting, in order to ensure maximum psychological safety.
I also thought that it would be easier to bring out my personal stories if I solved the questions, ``What is gender anyway?'' and ``What is feminism?'', so I decided to give simple input in the first half.
While talking about the connection with men's studies, they came to the common understanding that ``feminism is not just for women, but aims to create a society where everyone, regardless of gender, can live their own lives.''
On the other hand, there are still many misconceptions and misunderstandings about feminism, and conflicts and divisions between men and women are deepening.
That's why we need a place for communication. A place where you can listen to your thoughts and feelings openly. A place to accept the other person's thoughts and feelings. A place where you can verbalize your feelings through sharing the experiences of others.
``I wish there were more places where people could rely on those around them and find ways to live their lives as self-employed people, rather than having to deal with them alone.'' That's why I think our dialogue will be the seed that changes society. He concluded the first half with this message.
Then, in the second half, we decided to have a free chat. They broke it down into several themes and began chatting, giving examples such as ``There are situations like this, right?'' and ``How do you feel in these situations?''
Since it's a conversation, there is no need for correct or incorrect answers. People have different ways of spending their time, so they talk about vague events and feelings as they come to mind. A person who continues to listen quietly to what others are saying. A person who expresses his or her own opinion.
``Something like this was said to me at work before...'' ``I thought my parents had a hard time, too.'' ``As a man, this kind of thing makes me feel uneasy.'' ``I didn't particularly feel the gender gap.'' "I don't think so." "This is what I think about today's world."
From one person's story to another person's stories, other people may repeat their stories, offer words of sympathy, or ask questions from completely different perspectives.
There were free feelings and thoughts of individuals that could not be determined based on ``masculinity'' or ``femininity.''
I am especially grateful that I was able to talk about my sexual assault in a trusted environment that guaranteed psychological safety, and that I was able to share my experiences with others who could accept the hurt that I suffered. Having him right in front of me was a huge relief.
And it seems that everyone who participated felt the same way, as they looked somewhat relieved in their final impressions. His voice had also become softer. ``I was just listening, but I was so relieved that I wasn't the only one,'' said one person with tears in their eyes.
"Speaking out is not a waste"
I have never felt so strongly.
It's probably a waste. Nothing changes. I felt angry and frustrated at my own incompetence, and there were times when I felt lethargic and wanted to give up. However, when I raised my voice, nothing was wasted. The scene that unfolds before your eyes is the truth without lies.
You and I are different. But I want to live with you, and we can live together. Not as “manly/feminine” but as yourself. I felt like I had caught a glimpse of such hope, and I quietly savored the emotion.
Even if it's a small voice, even if it's a voice that might disappear at any moment, that's why we should deliver it to society. It is society that needs to change, not us. And we are also members of such a society. Even though I mourn the unchanging society, I want to continue taking action to change it. I haven't done anything yet enough to give up. It's still too early to give up.
Seeing everyone's expressions made me want to continue to create a place where masculinity and femininity are lightened together. You don't have to give a correct answer, just start by talking.
*** Impressions from everyone who participated ***
Even though I thought that the feelings I had kept in my heart had faded away, they were still there somewhere, and thanks to Misato-chan, I was given the opportunity to think about them again, and I felt like I wanted to share these feelings with someone. That's what I felt when I participated this time.
It was also good to have a group of people with different ideas and an environment where everyone could accept that there are people who think like that.
Even if there are major or minor views, it's fine for both sides to be recognized, and I'd rather see a society where we can respect each other. For this reason, I believe that a forum for this kind of discussion is extremely necessary.
I also wanted to have more conversations like this with people close to me.
Thank you so much for being the first to voice your opinion and for creating this space! !
As a man, I realized how easy it is to live in an environment where I can talk about my weaknesses.
In a society where people feel that there are not many environments where they can show their weaknesses, a community is formed through events and becomes like a safety net. I think it was great to be able to experience the process right in front of my eyes.
Also, in a society that is becoming more diverse, including LGBTQ+ people, as a member of the majority, I have had many opportunities to learn how to be considerate to various people. As a result, more and more restrictions are being imposed, including compliance, and I feel that an increasing number of people are starting to feel uncomfortable and angry, wondering if this is going too far. I myself often come up with such topics when communicating with friends and acquaintances.
However, I think it is necessary for all people, regardless of whether they are a majority or a minority, to respect and consider the background and individuality of others. Communication that lacks imagination and consideration for the other person can lead to misunderstandings and friction. I also feel that the consideration I am currently trying to make is only one-sided...
That's why I believe that in a society in transition, it is important to have an environment where people can interact with all kinds of people, regardless of gender, generation, minority or majority, in order to deepen mutual understanding. So, I would like to see more and more harmony in this community.
I feel that by voicing out the uncertainties that I feel in my daily life, rather than just keeping them in my heart, I can learn more about my feelings, and learn about the way my friends think and make new discoveries. Ta! !
Especially lately, Misato-chan's thoughts and opinions are amazing! ! That’s right! That's what I think.
I spend most of my time in the place where I was born and raised, so I don't want my perspective to be narrowed down, so having an opportunity like this to have a place to talk with everyone is really enriching for me. I'll think about it later! It was an important occasion! !
From now on, I want to live my life in a way that makes me more and more myself.
2024.3.08 In honor of International Women's Day🌼
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