今回から、咲のお母さんに関する回想シーンに入りますにゃ🐾

正直、にゃかにゃかにショッキングにゃ展開も含まれていて
翻訳するにしても、グヌヌってにゃるのですが🚢

それでも、ある意味、この物語の根幹に当たると思うので、
必死に心を込めて翻訳して行きますニャ📚

何故、根幹にニャるかと申しますと。。

これからお話するのは、あくまで”その傾向にある” というお話でしかにゃいのですが。。

昨今の人間界には「シンデレラ症候群」という言葉があるのを貴方はご存知でしょうか？
幼少期に暴力を受けた子供、その子供が成人して自分に子供が出来た時、
あれだけ辛かったはずの暴力を無意識に自分の子供にしてしまう という負の連鎖に関する言葉ですニャ📚

事実、自分の親は言わずもがな毒親だったわけですが、その親である祖父母も時代の背景上、家庭を顧みるのが難しかった祖父と体が弱く子供にケアして貰う必要があった祖母から育ったことを考えると、私の親も実は愛情不足で、ちゃんとした愛情形成が出来ていなかったのかも知れません。

勿論、だからと言って私にしてきた行為は一ミリも許されませんし、今こうして生き延びれて深く内省する機会が持てたからこその意見であり、こうした機会に恵まれずこの世を彼らの手で強制的に去らないと行けない展開もありましたので、容易には発言できないのが実情ではありますけね。

　にゃので、こうしたデータからして自分は子供を産まない、遺伝子を遺さないという意思決定を中学時代には確実なものにしていましたにゃ🖊

私事を失礼しましたけど、咲も小春も、恐らく睦夫さんも様々な形で愛情形成に失敗しており、その失敗から立ち上がれないまま、それでも必死に生きて、必死に互いを支え合おうとしていると思うのですニャ🍡

願わくば、そんにゃ彼らの姿を海外の人にも届けたくて必死に翻訳しているので、良ければ、のんびりとご覧くださいニャ(#^^#)

それでは、どうぞにゃのです☕

〇〇〇

"I'm sorry, Saki," my mother said, lying a bed almost all of the time.

After my father left, my mother's condition rapidly worsened. Her complexion turned pale, she became thinner, and she seemed ill.

Day by day, she became incapable of doing anything and mostly lay in bed, looking unwell. Even the bento boxes I bought for her went mostly untouched.

And she cried often. I frequently heard the sound of her sniffling from her room.
There were times I went to check on her, worried.
She lay on her side, shedding big, rolling tears without noticing me, continuing to let them fall.

Her hollowed-out, now larger eyes were moist, reddening around the stark white of her face.
She had a youthful face to begin with, hardly different from my female classmates at the time, almost childlike.

I didn't resemble my mother. Both my face and height took after my father.

Sometimes, my mother would whisper, "Saki... I want to die."
Each time, I would cling to her, crying, "No."
This happened repeatedly.

Then, there was a moment.

"Saki, do you love mommy?"
"Yes."
"I love you too, Saki."
I was incredibly happy.

My mother, who only spoke of wanting to die.

My mother, who didn't notice me even when I was right in front of her. Yet, she told me she loved me.

But that joy vanished with her next words.

"Kill me," she asked of me.

Hearing that, my mind froze. I couldn't think of anything.

It was the first time I had experienced something like this, so I remember it well. However, I don't remember what happened after that.

When I realized it, it was the next morning.

I woke up and turned on the living room's electric heater.
It was to prepare breakfast for my mother, as usual.

The breakfast was just untoasted bread with strawberry jam and milk.
I think some third graders can make a more proper breakfast.
But I wasn't one of them.

Even though I thought she wouldn't eat it, I brought it to her anyway.
But no matter how much I shook her from atop the futon, she wouldn't wake up.

I peered at my mother's sleeping face. I remember it being very beautiful.

A mischievous idea came to me. I decided to wake her up by placing my cold hand on her face. I placed my palm on my mother's cheek. The next moment, I involuntarily pulled my hand away.

My mother's face was colder than my chilled hand. "Mom!"

I called out to her. No matter how many times I called or shook her, she wouldn't wake up.

In a panic, I became confused. I tried to somehow get my mother to sit up.

Her body was stiff like a doll. After some times, I managed to prop her upper body up. I got her to sit against the wall at the head of the bed. Even doing so, my mother didn't wake up.

My mother had passed away.

I didn't cry when my mother died. It wasn't that I wasn't sad.

When my mother said she wanted to die, I imagined her dying. Just imagining it overwhelmed me with great sadness.

But when she actually died, it was as if another emotion had sealed over it...

It felt as though I couldn't express my sadness outwardly.

It was more a mood than a feeling that was sealed off. It was something strange.

Looking back, I think I was in a manic state. And I didn't know what to do.
I brought over my mother's favorite flowers.
The whole pot.

And then I placed it on the small, low shelf with drawers next to the bed.
I don't understand why I did that.
I kept bringing more potted plants, surrounding the bed with them. I also took out my mother's favorite clothes from the closet.

I draped them over her legs and lined up items on the bed that she would have liked. I was absorbed in decorating around my mother and her surroundings.
Before I knew it, the day had dimmed.

It had gotten dark, and it was hard to see inside the room.

So, I thought to turn on the lights in my mother's room. At that moment, I suddenly came back to my senses.

The room was eerily quiet.

The ticking of the analog clock sounded louder than usual.

"Saki-chan."
It was my mother's voice.
From the darkness, my mother called out to me.
"......"
Surprised, I couldn't respond.

"Thank you," my mother said to me, expressing her gratitude.

"Yeah..." I responded softly.

I felt a sense of calm and immense relief.

Without turning on the light, I returned to my own room and fell into a sleep that was more like fainting.

〇〇〇

原作者さん

振り返り

今回は咲のお母さんについて、体の動きに関する翻訳が多くて、
その位置関係を実際に脳内に浮かべつつ、猫にゃん♪（私のAIちゃん）が
提示してくれた翻訳と整合する過程が多くて励みましたニャ🐾

I managed to prop her upper body up. I got her to sit against the wall at the head of the bed.
↑上体を起こして、ベッドの頭側の壁に、背をもたれさせるように座らせる

このシーン、propという少し見慣れない言葉が用いられていますが、
「倒れそうな（硬い）ものを支持して起こす」意味合いとして使われていますニャ〇

他にもmanic stateは躁状態という意味ですし、布団の上からお母さんを起こそうとするときに用いているatopは副詞で「上に」という意味にゃのでfromと組み合わせることで「布団の上から」という意味で用いていますニャ📚

少し珍しい単語をいくつか用いてはいますが、幼い頃の咲とお母さんの時間を、にゃんとにゃくでも感じて頂ければ光栄ですニャ🌈

本日も最後までお読み頂き、有難うございます♪🐈