昨日は不妊クリニックの受診日で、いつも通り私は落ちていた。帰ってきても何もする気にならず、SNSと漫画を深夜まで読み続けた。

Yesterday was the day of my visit to the infertility clinic, and as usual, I was disappointed. When I got home, I didn't feel like doing anything, so I continued reading manga on social media until late at night.

必要だと分かっているから診察や処置を受けるわけだけど、どうしてあんなにも何というか不愉快なんだろう。自分のデリケートな部分を見せないといけないから自尊心が傷つくのか、何で自分がこんなことという怒りなのか、単に診察が気持ち悪いからなのか。
内科の診察よりも、圧倒的に気持ち悪いのである。ひんやりして、痛い。カテーテルを入れるとなると尚更痛いし恥ずかしいし気持ち悪い。消化管カメラより、圧倒的に恥ずかしい。保険を使っても、お値段も万越えして高いし。

I go for medical examinations and treatments because I know they are necessary, but I wonder why they are so unpleasant. Is it because my self-esteem is hurt because I have to show my sensitive parts? Why am I angry that this happened to me? Or is it just because the examination is disgusting?
It's far more unpleasant than an internal medicine visit. It's cold and it hurts. Having a catheter inserted is even more painful, embarrassing, and disgusting. It's far more embarrassing than the gastrointestinal camera. Even with insurance, the price is still over 10,000 yen.

もう、行く前から嫌すぎて落ち込み、行った後も落ち込み、帰ってきても落ち込み、である。
人に話そうも話せる人は少なく、話してもわかる人も少ない。旦那でさえ、分からないのか、何が分からないかも分からないのか、ボーッとしていて話しても何も解決しないので尚更イライラする。何なら、仕事を優先されて一緒に行くはずがドタキャンなのである。

I was already depressed because I hated it before I went, depressed even after I went, and depressed even when I came back.
There are very few people who can talk about it, and even if they do, there are very few people who understand. Even my husband is in a daze, wondering if he doesn't understand or what he doesn't understand. What I want most from my husband is to understand (I'm not asking him to do anything sophisticated like comfort me), but even if I talk to him, nothing is resolved, which makes me even more irritated. After all, he prioritized his own work and canceled at the last minute even though we had promised to go together.

普段、婦人科診察や卵管造影をする側として、どんな検査なのかは知っているし、理解はあるはずだと思うのであるが、辛い。
貴重な経験だとは思いつつ、本当に、辛い。今のところ時間が解決するのを待つしかない状態で、何か解決法があれば知りたいし、広めたいものである。

As someone who usually performs gynecological examinations and salpingographs, I know what kind of tests are involved and I think I should have some understanding, but it was painful.
Although I thought it was a valuable experience, it was really painful. For now, all we can do is wait for time to resolve the issue, but if there is a solution, I would like to know about it and would like to spread the word.