tanabota8739, pennies from heaven

[December is Donation Month!]
I am a nobody. I want to challenge charity sobriety and bring smiles to the faces of mothers and children!

30days challenge! Starts!

https://syncable.biz/campaign/2096/ 

I grew up in a time when mothers would greet you with a friendly smile and wait for you at the school gate with an umbrella when it started to rain. My mother was totally different. She worked in a company in the next town and always seemed to be very busy. She was beautiful, with her neatly groomed fingers, crisp suits, and straight back, but her gaze and her words were straightforward and frightening.

It was dusk, the sound of laughter and the smell of miso soup wafting from the neighbors' houses. My sister and I were always alone in the dark kitchen, waiting for our mother to come home. Even now, as an adult, the sight of the red sunset at the end of the day brings tears to my eyes. Maybe it's because I remember that time in the evening when I was filled with anxiety.

Although she spent most of her time working, she was always there for the children's special occasions, such as class visits, speech contests, and band performances. Even though she was always late and would go back to work before the end of the show, it was always a great relief to see her in the audience or at the back of the classroom. I wondered why she had worked so hard. Now that she is gone, I don't know how she felt.

I used to work part-time for my father's company to earn some money. It was a lot more than the hourly wage at the local flower shop. In the florist's shop, I would put on an apron and stain my fingers green while I fried chrysanthemums, washed cold vases, and served customers with an innocent smile, even when I was distracted by school exams.

I loved working with flowers, but it was easier and more efficient to help my father with his work. It was fun to journalize the receipts and glue them to the backing paper, and it gave me a sense of achievement to see the bundles of receipts and bills neatly tidied away. After work, my father used to take me out to pubs and snack bars. It was exciting to be a bit taller and get a glimpse of the adult world. I thought it was fun to work and earn money. I don't know what I did with my allowance and salary. I don't remember at all.

When I started to think about money, work and life, I was a bit shocked to see so many emotions and memories flowing into my mind and heart. Especially after becoming a single parent, the memories related to money have been replayed many times in my brain.

It was five years ago that I became a single parent. I'll never forget the 27th of December, cold morning at the end of the year. I ran away with my children in my clothes and lived in the park for a week. The refrain in my brain was: "What shall I feed my kids next? There was no money coming in, only money going out with a sigh. Life was not easy, and the days passed in vague anxiety that grew day by day.

It was a way of life that was incompatible with parenthood.

At that time I was taken into the care of a welfare home and looked after for several years. I was fortunate and grateful that I was given some time to recover gradually. At the institution, I was required to submit a household account every six months. They said it was for recording and teaching self-reliance. I didn't want to get angry with the staff, so I hid some of my expenses, such as my children's cram school fees and books, which I thought would be considered out of line. When I was a little girl, I would secretly buy chocolate or chewing gum and eat them with joy, even though I was told not to.

I was told to try to save money and I felt like I was being squeezed. I would swear at the shower, which was regulated to a trickle, and I would feel helpless and sad. This feeling of suffocation was passed on to my children, who were unknowingly made to feel trapped.

One day, my son spent all his spare change and pocket money on a card game. It was his way of venting. I was furious and cried tears of frustration as I talked to my son about how he spent his money. Three years later, my son is now a junior high school student. We now have a firm rule in our house that he has to show me his account book and explain to me how he spends his money.

My son's income and expenditure notebook is full of food items such as "juice", "rice balls" and "fried chicken". The notebook reminded me of the coffee-flavoured gum I used to buy secretly with my pocket money when I was a girl. I remembered the secret memories that I had put away, along with the feelings I had at the time. It's a little bit of a happy present from my pocketbook.

My daughter is a bit of an old fuddy-duddy who surprises the adults around her by saying coldly, "Money is just made of paper”. She often talks about how she would spend her money when she watches the main characters in cartoons spending money in candy shops or asking for presents. She often talks about how she would spend her money.

The other day I and my daughter attended a Zoom course called "Learn with Your Parent! Money Class!!". It was great to see her not being intimidated by the online screen and actively raising her hand to express her thoughts on money. It made me feel a little sorry for myself that I used to tell them how to spend their allowance, saying "you can't buy this" or "it's a waste". By attending the course with my daughter, I was able to learn a little about her attitude towards money. I hope that my children will gradually develop their sense of money by having opportunities to think together about how to spend and interact with money in a way that is appropriate for their size, and by talking about money.

With the changing times, society, environment, and circumstances surrounding us, our values and how we spend our money change. When raising children, the top expense is education fee. We want to be able to afford it and be happy to support our children as they move towards a brighter future. To do so, I would like to challenge myself not only to bemoan the low income and social system but also to donate money and move money in a way that shows hope.

When I joined this essay project, I found out that “December is Donation Month”. I decided to do something about it by starting a "charity sobriety program", where I set aside 30 days' worth of alcohol and donated it to charity. But it was a big challenge for me to get sober for the first time in my life and to donate. I've chosen a new way to spend my money and I'm sharing it on social media.

Sobriety is a lot harder than I thought it would be, and the temptation to drink can be overwhelming, but with the support of all my SNS followers, I'm grateful to be able to keep going. I spend valuable time thinking positively about how I spend my money and time, sharing how I feel through my sobriety and donations, and how I am moving towards a happier future.

Life doesn't end when this month of giving is over. As we think about the limited time we have with our children, we wonder what the answer will be. Let's spend our money with happiness for the future so that we can cherish every day and enjoy it to the full. Remembering the bitter-sweet coffee-flavoured gum.

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#pennies from heaven #December donation #Donation #single mother