Why that face?
Are you angry a little bit, Chrissy? 
Do you ever get angry?  

I’ve been occupied with one project and am feeling worn out.
But the deadline is approaching, so I just have to carry on a little bit more.
You see me facing the computer screen all the time from where you are. 
I hear you swimming and making the clinking sound, when your nails touch the glass wall.
When my concentration is gone, I always come to you, right?
Is that not enough?
I know I am not changing your water as often. 
Are you more frustrated with that part? 

Sorry, Chrissy.
Sorry. I haven’t been very nice. 

You know, it was my birthday yesterday.
So I am a bit closer to you in age-wise.
But if I remember correctly, your birthday is also around the corner.
I think we are both dragon in year and Waterman in the star sign.
That means, though, you are moving one step away from me again soon. :(
Do you want anything for your birthday? 

In the bus on the way back home yesterday,
I wondered why people just don’t randomly attracted to me and demand that we should spend our lives together.
Nobody did.
Nobody even noticed my sitting there, it felt like.
And, I would’ve hated it if someone did demand things like that.
There’s this Dutch guy who says he loves me. And I really hate it.
He was fine when we were friends. 
Even after I told him that I don't appreciate his loving me and he promised to be just a friend again, 
his eyes have got that oh, I'm in love with you look, and I can't stand it. 

Thinking that and that, I started to feel very sad in the bus.
There seem like no way out. 
Tears wet my mask and it started to smell salty.
Somehow very, very sad again.
The bus is gone. My birthday is already in the past.
But I still haven't been able to scoop my soul out of that sadness pool.
There are clear facts that I got lots of messages from friends and parents, that I received nice presents, that there was a friend who was willing to spend time with me and that there was a little birthday dinner party conducted by my family.
Very nice, aren't they?
Still, though, I am still sad.

I waste people’s love for me, and wanting love.
In a very greedy way.
Silly business.
Not sure what a wise person would do in my situation.
What would you do?