エーリッヒ・フロムという哲学者・心理学者は、「愛する」には技術が必要だという。誰もがみんな、学ぶことなく愛することはできないのだ。

恋と愛は異なるものだと私は考える。恋は、ただ、その人と男女の関係として結ばれたいという欲求に過ぎない。愛は、もっと高次のものだ。私は妻ともう何年も関係がないが、それでも私は妻を愛している。双方とも、異性としての魅力を感じていなくても、愛し合っているのだと思う。

これを理解できない限り、一生、結婚することはできないだろう。結婚や愛とは、単に刹那的な快楽を求めるものではない。お互いに、相手をあるがまま認め合い、欠点を補いあい、辛く苦しい時も支えあうのが愛であり結婚である。

「ザ・ノンフィクション」婚活回で婚活ハラスメントをしていた東大卒の女性は、これを何も理解していない。自分のほうが年収も学歴も上だという優越感を覚え、だから毎日の料理報告をさせることも許される、と、フロムが言うところの「搾取」の関係になっている。これは、お互いに責任を分かち合い、認め合う愛とはほど遠い関係だ。

彼女は「年収が自分より低い男性は尊敬することができない」といった。その東大卒女性は、年収が尊敬の判断基準なのか？尊敬とは何か？ガンディー、キング牧師、ナイチンゲールなど、尊敬される歴史上の人物はたくさんいるが、彼ら彼女らは「お金を稼ぐ」から尊敬されたのか？

根本的に、自分の価値基準と人生について、内省したほうがいい。婚活どころではないと思う。30歳にもなる社会人として、あまりに幼稚すぎる。

Title: Finding True Love: A Journey of Self-Discovery

In the pursuit of love and marriage, many of us embark on a journey filled with hope, excitement, and sometimes, uncertainty. The quest to find the perfect partner can be challenging, and even when we do tie the knot, the reality of married life may not always meet our expectations. For those who find themselves struggling to find the right partner or facing dissatisfaction in marriage, it's essential to remember that the path to true love begins with self-discovery.

First and foremost, it's crucial to understand that love is not just an emotion but also a skill that requires nurturing and practice. Echoing the wisdom of philosopher and psychologist Erich Fromm, love is something we must learn and cultivate over time. It's not merely about being infatuated with someone or seeking superficial pleasures; rather, it's about building a deep connection based on mutual respect, understanding, and support.

If you're having trouble finding a suitable partner or experiencing difficulties in your marriage, take a moment to reflect on your own values, desires, and expectations. Are you seeking love for the right reasons, or are you driven by societal pressures, external validations, or materialistic pursuits? True love transcends superficial criteria like income, education, or social status. Instead, it's about finding someone who accepts you for who you are, flaws and all, and vice versa.

Moreover, examine your own attitudes and behaviors towards relationships. Are you approaching potential partners with an open heart and mind, or are you fixated on unrealistic ideals or preconceived notions? Remember that meaningful connections often arise when we least expect them, and they may come in forms we hadn't imagined. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone, explore new possibilities, and embrace the diversity of human experiences.

In addition, communication is key in any relationship. If you're feeling dissatisfied or disconnected from your partner, don't hesitate to express your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. Seek to understand each other's perspectives, address any issues or concerns constructively, and work together towards common goals. Remember that love is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it requires effort, patience, and commitment from both parties.

Above all, prioritize self-love and self-care. Cultivate a strong sense of self-worth, pursue your passions and interests, and nurture your own well-being. When you love and value yourself, you'll attract others who will appreciate and cherish you for who you are. And if you're currently single, see this time as an opportunity for personal growth and exploration, rather than a failure or deficiency.

In conclusion, finding true love and building a fulfilling marriage is a journey that begins within ourselves. By embracing self-discovery, cultivating meaningful connections, and fostering open communication, we can create the loving and supportive relationships we desire. Remember that love is not a destination but a lifelong journey, and every experience, whether joyful or challenging, contributes to our growth and evolution as individuals. So, embrace the journey, trust in the process, and have faith that love will find its way to you in due time.