It was when I was a university student that I got interested in philosophy. My major was economics, but I could not at all take interest in it. 
 
 In retrospect, it was when I was seven or eight years old that I was captured by a philosophical problem for the first time. 
Why I must live a life in spite of the fact that all living things will die sooner or later, that was, or rather, still is an insoluble question. 

 Some people say that if all living things cannot avoid death, all they have to do is enjoy now-and-here. But I cannot, for the life of me, accept such an idea. However hard I try to enjoy my life, I must die an unhappy death some day. To coin a word, now plus here is "nowhere," that is "utopia." I cannot believe in utopia. 

 Other people might say that if you cannot be free from your fate, you had better follow religious doctrines for the sake of keeping peace of mind. That is also an unacceptable idea to me. 

 Then what should I do ? Are there any solutions ? I know, deep inside of me, that there will be no definite solution to such a philosophical problem that satisfies me. 

 Instinctively, any religion or any advice that others recommend will never ever contribute to solving my problems that prevent me from living a happy life. I am destined to live a lonely life till the day when I die an unfortunate death. 

 There is no exit because nobody cannot live my life instead of me. I am exhausted out.