感情的、情緒的に不安定だ
との自覚が擡げてきてます

なんて言うんだろう
ブレーキが壊れて来ていて
我慢は勿論
辛抱も怪しくナって来ている

何か理由を見つけて
大人びて見せるのも
ぶっちゃけ面倒臭い

いったい誰に
カッコイイと言われたいんだ？
と想ってしまう

気持ちにブレーキを踏む
踏力の心理的な低下と
膂力としての踏力ダウン
この２つ以上が合わさって

辛抱のシ難さを助長シている
そんな気がシて来ています

それってオカしくない？
に対して
まぁまぁ…ココは穏便かつ冷静に
と今まで動いていた情動が
少しライオット側に寄って行って

ん？祭りか？
コレは機会か？
と衝立の取れるのを
待つような心理状態

うーん
好戦的とは違うんですよね

この世の総てに
白黒つけたかった若き日々の
あの潔癖さに近い
成熟の対義的な退行
を感じちゃって

あぁ
コレって加齢ナのかも
知れないよなぁ

オジイが急にブチ切れる
あの感じは若しかしたら
この感情の先に鎮座して居るのかも

との推察が始まって居ます

240416 Aging and Stability (Emotional)

I'm becoming increasingly aware that I'm emotionally and psychologically unstable.

I don't know how to say it.
The brakes are breaking down.
I'm losing my patience, not to mention my endurance.

I can't find a reason to be mature.
To be frank, it's a pain in the ass.

Who in the world
Who do you want to be called "cool"?
And then I think to myself

I put the brakes on my feelings
Psychological decrease in tread strength and
and a decrease in tread strength as a physical strength
The combination of these two or more

contribute to the difficulty of perseverance.
I have a feeling that this is the case.

Isn't that crazy?
In response to the question
I've been trying to be calm and cool about it.
And the emotions that had been moving me are now moving a little closer to Riot's side.

What? Is this a festival?
Is this an opportunity?
I'm in a state of mind where I'm waiting for the impulse to come off.

Hmmm...
It's not the same as being belligerent.

It's more like that fastidiousness of my youth
I feel a regression of the opposite of that fastidiousness-like maturity.

Ah...
Maybe this is just aging.
I don't know.

That feeling of an old man suddenly snapping at you...
I'm beginning to wonder if it's just a feeling that's sitting there

I'm beginning to speculate.

by DeepL